For those readers whom do not know Poh Loong, you may feel that this is a rather boring entry.
Today I went down the second time to talk to him.
I want to go see him for the last time, but I just do not have the courage to look at his face.
I miss his cheeky and smiling face, always the joker in class.
I still can remember him teasing me singing songs in class.
I still can remember him sprinting with Kelvin from the new block to our class at the old block.
I still can remember him very enthusiastic in his uniform group.
I still can remember him offering to burn songs for us without charging anything extra.
I still can remember him singing I need you to Ramya.
I still can remember him running out of his parade with my friends to save me from someone at the second level.
He is just so loyal and good to his friends.
You can never stop laughing when he is around.
Limin just know held on to me, telling me it is okay not to see him because she is afraid I would break down.
But I just find myself so useless.
What is it there to be afraid of?

Another bad news from my department, it was supposed to be good news.
Just hope that she can pull through it.

Song intro: Bet on it - Luo Zhi Xiang

I want to be smarter than him.
12:03:00 AM

Dear friends of Tang Poh Loong Alson,

Alson has left us on 27 August 2007 (Monday).

He was the jovial friend who brightened our days with his songs, jokes and laughter. He was also always the first to lend a helping hand, a listening ear and a comforting shoulder whenever we need one.

Alson had loved the companion of his friends. Now that he is gone, at least we could do is to visit him one last time at his wake and send him our love.

He may have left us, but he will be dearly missed by all.

Please pass this on to those who love him and can go to his wake.
His family will appreciate the attendance.
Address: Khatib Block 799
29 August 2007 till 1 September 2007

Regards
Joanne

I just came back from Poh Loong’s funeral.
I looked right up at his photo and it was then that I realize everything is real.
When I talked to him, I almost cried.
I have never expected that I will attend a friend’s funeral at such age and also only through this funeral that makes people gather together.
This is not the way for a gathering.
I could remember him very clearly sitting very near me during my lower Secondary.
We were in the same class for 3years
He is always the active, very talkative, fun, caring pal and has never rejected any offers to help.
Everyone was shocked that he chose to end his life this way.
We started chatting and thinking of him, and nothing bad about him was said.
I keep smiling when I think of him, very happy memories.
My dear friend, you are well loved by all of us and you will always be remembered.

More of us will be going again tomorrow.
We will be meeting at 9pm at Khatib MRT station.

Song intro: Welcome to my heart - Wang Chuan Yi

I want to be smarter than him.
12:21:00 AM

I have spent a lot of money ever since I got my pay.

Let us rewind back to last Friday.
My sister came to join me for lunch after her interview.
So I brought her to Black Angus at One Fullerton since I just got paid and it was my first lunch dining out that week.
Damn full but it is worth it.

Our starter

My sister order - pork ribs

My order - Salmon

My colleagues (except for our superiors) organize to watch the fireworks.
I wanted to join in the fun but I was not invited.
Until when we left the office together, they asked me if I wanted to join.
Delighted and surprised, I tagged along.
And it was spectacular.

Saturday, my department was sent to Marriot Hotel to attend the 2 days Trade Finance course. (The next one is this Saturday)
I love such courses.
You get to learn things for free and they feed you like pigs.
LOLX. Apart from the international buffet, you get to eat and drink during the breaks.

The cakes in the international buffet... (Of course there is a lot more)




Then Saturday night went to work at HFC, taking over Mad.
Sunday a bonus, I went all the way down to HFC and I don’t have to work.
So I called Mad out to shop.
And I decided to be a spendthrift just like normal girls for a day.
And I totally regretted it.
So let that be the first and last time.
I rather spend money getting gifts for others or saving up.

Yesterday I treat Kest to Ethan, a Germany restaurant as I promised.
The sausage is very huge. HAHA

And at night, FINALLY, k with Ken and Lia.
And we really looked like old people having lights out at 10pm. HAHA
We look so restless.

THE WAR
The first battle is the battle within the team.
I was in the safe zone because I am in a neutral position not involving with the project.

The second battle is the battle between the two departments.
I stepped into the middle zone, trying to pacify both sides and please both parties which is part of my daily duties.
I got bruises here and there while trying to be the middleman.

The third battle is amongst the department, the management and us.
I stepped into the danger zone and was warned to put on bulletproof vest.
But the warning came too late and bullets just hit me causing some minor injuries.

And sad to say, this is just the beginning.
In the war, you do not know where and who exactly is your enemy.
They put on masks and they may be just beside you.
It is a battle of wits and how well you protect yourself.
Everyone is pushing away and not getting the blame.
That is a big loophole for me to fall in.
Which I think the third battle I mentioned above will just kill me soon.
Prepare my tomb.

When people asked about how was my work, hoping I would complain to them, I chose to use the diplomatic answering methods.
It is not because I do not trust them or I do not feel comfortable telling them.
I just do not wish to break down in front of anyone or to trouble my naggings to them.
As usual, I am swallowing everything, hoping that they will just digest properly.

Another colleague leaving next week.

Song intro: Fall in love - Koini Ochite

I want to be smarter than him.
10:55:00 PM

我每天都好忙哦!
不止是工作上的，我也不停地思念我喜欢的人。
不要想歪哦，我指的当然不是那种爱人的喜欢。
我好怀念和秀娟一起逛街，在线上无话不谈的日子。
想念伟玲懒散的走在我身旁让我好想向她撒娇，腕着她的胳臂，拖着她一起走。
好想巧音甜蜜的对我诉说她和爱人的故事。
想念慧琪在公司里和我聊天，因为关心疼爱我而对我凶的日子。
想看到彦祯那可爱又难以形容的表情对我笑着诉说她那群可爱的家人又怎么了。
想念文杰说那些冷笑话然后与健豪斗嘴的样子。
想听毅祥那些稀奇古怪的故事，像大哥一样的照顾大家。
想念明文那比我对事情随便的时候。
然后还有被那总是口是心非的伟泽骂。
又想看见伟强对着镜头耍狠，认真找资料。
还有被健豪捉弄还有与他讲废话的日子。

想看到张春映笑到滚在地上。
想念高淑娇那些可爱的表情。
想看到陈俊违皱着眉头说他东西皱了。
想念和那细心聆听的卓丽敏谈心的日子。
想念那单纯的陶丽萍因为一些事对我哭诉。
还有胡碧熙在投诉一些稀奇的事。
然后和我最好的朋友彭思明一起聊天的时候。

想念和大家一起上学，放学，出门玩，计划合作项目。
我好想念大家哦!
就算是大家总是因为我又作或说出一些笨东西而大笑。
虽然不好意思，可是看到我又逗别人因为我而开心，我也很安慰。

Okay back to the English Channel. HAHA
Well, I am still surviving even with the aftermath of a second breakdown on Monday because I did something wrong for being a smart aleck when in reality I am not a so smart person.
This week, I am sending off two more nice colleagues with such short notice.
My shorthanded department's hands have become even shorter.
Well, they told me I just have to get used to it.
The turnover here is really high, people just comes and go just like a hotel stay.
My dear colleagues are really trying hard to notice me because they could hardly hear my voice in the office or notice my presence when I can do my work so quietly and seriously that no one dares to come to me.
They are really concerned about me.
But I have also been trying hard to fit into their circle but I just seem to be still outside.
Well counting down now to September 3rd, when my beloved mysterious female partner will come and join me in SG Credit Secretariat.
I jokingly told them that I will worship her like god and pray hard that she will not run off.
I have survived two weeks and thank god, I am still alive.
HAHA. Enough of craps. I need more time now to revise my IFT and PFP and do more read ups as I venture of to more source of income.
My very next stop should be ILPs.

Song intro: Wo men de ge - Wang Li Hong

I want to be smarter than him.
12:17:00 AM

Yesterday was dramatic.
I knew I am not as capable, I do not need reminders.
I wish I could answer their questionings.
But I just could not.
I wanted to tell them I am who I am.
I really have done whatever I could to keep up with the standards set.
But I am so pissed off with myself to be so useless.
I cried, even when I was answering calls from my internal customers and pretended that nothing happened.
I ran to the forth level toilet to cry and pretended to circulate the proposals.
I need no sympathy from anyone even though I wanted to call the familiar faces that flash past my mind when I cried.
I wanted to hug those people and just cry out.
Then they will hug me back and just listen to me cry or grumble and then distract me with something funny.
But I knew I can never cry in front of people.
I went back to work normally, went to lunch with Mad normally.
I went to watch Secret with Mad normally.
I went to watch Disturbia with Jack, Ken, Mad normally.
I reached home at around 4 plus in the morning but I cannot believe that when I close my eyes, the first thing I saw in my dream was my report that is late for submission.
Crap.

Well, even though I like to sit in cars and get chauffeured around but I still feel bad about having my friends to drive me back during wee hours and they do not live nearby.
Unless I do not have the money to cab home or there is no transport at all, I really do not mind going home myself if it is not on the way. (This means living in the same area)
So conclusion, I should get my license soon. HAHA
I rather drive them home.

Movies I watched recently...

I believe this is going to be the last Harry Potter. Watched it with Joey and Kelvin at GV Yishun.
I prefer the previous one though.

This is a worth watching movie. Action type of movie. I watched this with Mad.

HAHA. A very funny and crap movie. Mad's favourite.

Okay I knew it will be scary but I still insist on watching because it is kind of interesting. There is a twisted ending.

Another twisted ending movie. Jay Chou directed and wrote this story if I am not wrong.

Thrilling movie but only at the back. Okay only la.

Watched this today with my parents. The previous two was nicer.

Some outdated pictures.
Rubber's 20th birthday

Her Bakerzin strawberry shortcake. Very very beautiful cake.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!

Song intro: Xue hui - Evonne Hsu

I want to be smarter than him.
12:12:00 AM

I am not done with my previous entry yet.
HAHA. One week is over and I am getting weaker and sicker.
But I am not allowed to take any leaves or medical leaves at all until the newcomer comes next month.
And I have to coach her till she is ready then I am allowed to take a break.
Not that I am not entitled to those benefits, but there is no one to cover my job scope in my department.
What? I am capable? NO. It is just simply because no one is willing to take that job.
My colleagues were like pitying me and at the same time thankful that they were not the one chosen to do this job.
This explains how shitty my job is.
It is basically a secretarial duty which requires you to run errands for a few departments and around 7 territories - Singapore, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, and Vietnam, North Asia (China, Korea, and Hong Kong etc).
I am just so not in luck because once I took over, the work load just doubled.
My worst scenario was I had 3 credit committees and around 20 credit proposals to process on the same day.
Last week, every single night I will have nightmares, dreaming of the people that I meet in my job.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
My VP was like jokingly saying that if I apply for leave now, it will never be approved.
If I go to the doctors, I can never get my MC.
Okay indeed, I think it is funny but in reality, especially when I am getting sicker, I am quite pissed off.
The only thing that surprises me was I do not have to go through probation at all.
Thinking on the bright side; my hard work pays off.
On the other hand; they just want to trick me to continue this job scope for them.
Well, I really do not mind doing this job if I can take leaves or leave work early.

I WANT MY JULY PAY!! SIANZ

Song intro: Ni shi wo xin li de yi shou ge - Lee Hom & Selina

I want to be smarter than him.
12:36:00 AM

The week is ending in 15 minutes time.
I have been working EVERY SINGLE day this week - minimum 9hours to maximum 13hours.
And I starve myself every night, sometimes because I am too tired to eat.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday: 0900 - 2000 to 2100
Tuesday: 0900 - 2200 (month end)
Saturday: BNP 0900 – 1400, HFC 2030 - 2200
Sunday: HFC 1300 - 2200

I am dead beat.
The last time I remember myself darn tired was in NYP, those project days.
I can stone today for full 9hours at HFC without doing a single thing (except times when I am serving customers)
This explains how tired I am.
PRO!
No wonder my job title in BNP is called the PRO-OFFICER [HAHA LAME]
But it was never about the long working hours, it was the limited number of hours having fun.

The best parts of this week.

Monday: K with Angelia and Kenny (We were at the biggest room.)
And we had a Kenny will love it; my sis will hate it; Cyndi Wang marathon.
HAHA. I survived on crackers and a milky taste milo for dinner that night.

Friday: BNP release of quarter results at The Fullerton Hotel
The food was superb as usual.
I ate one whole plate of cakes myself. LOLX.

Saturday: My mum’s birthday celebration at Ding Tai Feng Bishan
The xiao long bao (reminds me to Taiwan) and fried rice is nice.
Then went to get tickets for the movie Alone, took over Mad at work and back to The Cathay to wait for Mad, Jack and Ken to come.
The movie Alone was darn scary. LOLX.
As usual I watched it with the whole cloth covering my face. HAHA
But I did watch the whole thing okay because Mad’s sweater was translucent.
Then we proceed to Geylang to eat Kenny (I meant the Frog porridge HAHA).
Nice but I was not in a good stomach condition to digest it.

Today, I nearly did something bad which will make everyone angry.
But I manage to control it down.
Why I nearly did that?
Vexed
Because I realize spoon feeding is equals to harming.
My determination on the initial reason (which seems stupid) that made me work so hard for money for weakens.

Maybe I really need a fortune teller to change my luck.

To be continued...

Song intro: Gai bian zi ji - Wang Li Hong

I want to be smarter than him.
12:13:00 AM